Saturday, October 29, 2011


I hope a friend and reader won't mind that I cribbed this from him. I'm sorry I've been scarce on posts lately or only posting music videos, but I really couldn't pass this one by given my own medieval leanings:

Somehow it seems fitting for today. It was this perfect late-October day, a little brisk, but sunny enough, the level of light as the afternoon wore on being absolutely sehnsucht-inducing for me (an emotion strongest for me, perhaps, starting right around this time of year and through the holidays). I could imagine this song playing at harvest time around some medieval market or castle great-room hearth as the days grow shorter and things start to get cozy.

I took a long walkabout for several hours today to continue exploring my new surroundings. I realized that my life schedule is finally becoming more regular again thanks to work. Since high school it hasn't been, I think. Classes in university are rather minor (lol) and I had lots of unstructured time especially given my irregular path through the past four years. So I slipped into a slothful habit of naps and irregular sleep-hours and procrastination from school work.

School work, homework specifically, really messed me up psychologically throughout my life, I think; even in high school I would nap after school and lived procrastinating online. The thing about procrastination is, it's not like you let yourself do anything else useful or truly enriching during that time either. You sit around online or at the TV buying time in an escapist fashion, but you don't replace the task you're avoiding with anything creative or fruitful or constructive of self-growth-inducing either. Mainly I'd sit at home or in my room.

But finally, now, I have a job during the day, get enough sleep that I don't nap in the evenings, and then on the weekends can stay up a bit later and sleep in and then feel totally free and non-stressed during the day. I also tied up several years-long-standing "loose ends" before I moved to Canada, so there are no longer nagging tasks weighing on me.

This structure and balance and true freedom (there is no "homework" for my job!! Finally!!!) really feels healthier to me, and I can already feel myself using my time more constructively and in a non-procrastinating manner. When there is no longer anything to procrastinate from, genuine leisure, genuine free time becomes possible. I can walk around with no particular goal or purpose and it becomes an end in itself. That is truly liberating. I'd like to be a bit more financially secure, but that will come soon enough, and I'm feeling quite at peace and optimistic today. L'chaim!! Deo Gratias!

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