June Is Here

Detritus

A cat must feel so loved.

Someone recently mentioned to me a frog, sitting on the bank of a pond in the sun, it has no worries because it has no future.

Do you ever fear listening to a piece of music because it will recall the past? I can recall for almost any song in my collection just how I came to find it, and most are pegged to a specific time for me, when it was new and fresh and I listened to it a hundred times in a row. Sometimes we do not want to go back so soon to the scene of the crime.

Not the distant past, mind you. The more distant past is usually more benign; we've had time to process, to fit it into a greater arc, we've seen what became of its narrative threads, and we know everything worked out. No, the most recent prior chapter is usually the most awkward to revisit.

Well, not the most recent, not yesterday or last week, those are still in some sense this chapter, even if some official page has been turned, graduated; rather, as I said, the most recent prior chapter, when truly enough time has past to make it then rather than "now." There's a meme going around somewhere (so fragmented my thoughts, our lives now): a college freshman back for winter break is so excited to see high school friends in their hometown; a college senior covers her face or ducks down another aisle in the grocery store.

In thirty years you can laugh at yourself, in three or even five you can't yet disown yourself, there's not been enough time to generate another body so that you can step out of that one, stand back, and look at "him." No, when "he" is still peeling away from "you," this old skin we shed like snakes, it can fill you with that sehnsucht to see it, to realize that change is not merely something that "happened," it happens, happens while you waste the time, fill it with what always seems like not enough water to even begin to wet the sponge. And yet are the people trying to wet theirs trying to wash something away?

I wrote something recently, about the moment when you realize how tall the trees have become, and realize that it hasn't been "then" for a very long time, you just hadn't stopped to "look back" for a long time either, and when you do, all of it happens at once, it all consolidates in your mind, you realize what has receded into the past, and so you startle and shake, like when you've overslept; it's been how many weeks?? It's been half a year since November! How much new content has filled the lives of old friends with whom you used to have the same life (or at least five periods a day together). It's not that you've lost touch; they still fill you in at holidays, even daily or weekly (social networking, texting, they've made "keeping in touch" cheap and "catching up" worthless). But soon you find a shorter and shorter summary is filling you in on larger and larger spans of time not shared. You used to see all the gritty takes, edited out later. Now you get the story through the lens of hindsight, already edited, already interpreted; you're no longer privy to the rough drafts. You used to be one of their biographers, as it were, you could say, "Hey! No, that's now how it happened!" because you were there, could offer another spin on it that might effect the "final cut." Now they have other biographers and you're just waiting in line to have your copy autographed.

I like book titles. Not books, mind you, though some of those are good too. I like titles though, of books I've never read. "East of Eden," "The Unbearable Lightness of Being," "In Search of Lost Time." Has anyone read Proust? I should, I'm sure, but would it ruin what that title, what the idea of his work, has come to stand for, for me, would the concrete ruin the abstraction, the hypothetical everything mystical that book could be. In Search of Lost Time. Then again, perhaps, I flatter myself. What does it mean for me? The only memory I have is standing in line at a Starbucks, looking at the little packaged Madeleines they have and telling my dad, "The episode of the Madeleine is a famous instance of involuntary memory." As my brother has been saying, "So meta." I just read it on Wikipedia, and maybe it's not a good example at all, maybe my memory is entirely forced. Still, there are other Madeleines. His Lady of, of course (that's why I hate Paris, you know; only she deserves Rome indeed, harlots both! Not her, I don't mean! Of course not the Virgin, painted red or not, no I mean other things.) And a little girl (in two straight lines) in a movie (all covered in vines) who makes me cry, invariably.

Has Stream of Consciousness past its prime? Probably. The first person who does it is a genius. I'm just some disaffected (kid? guy? man? young man?) person sitting in his basement in one of those late night reveries because I slept too long, too much, too late. But we were talking about Joyce tonight, my face was sore from laughing just a few hours ago, as (by a confluence of conversational events) my brother did a faux dramatic reading of his famous dirty letters to his (Joyce's) Nora to his (Stephen's) Eryka. And now I could cry. How many years longer will the cat live? 

Such a good cat, hates other cats like my sister hates other women (girls? young women?) but loves me, comes and sits, follows the last one up to bed. Arthritic now, and deaf. Does she remember her youth, when she has lain there in the sun, does she dream? If she does I know they're happy. She's been safe and treated well. When one comes home from college or Canada one can pick up right where one has left off with the cat. Would that people were that way.

A cat must feel so loved.

Eight

Words are never quite enough

to mediate.

We are spiders

and we weave a web

(it has always been a web)

for each and every

omnia et singula

and it's so much fancy silk

(so little really)

until flesh and blood

are caught

and in hours and days

between months or years

no longer a lie, or
truth suspended

the tension of every thread

(each and every: writhing,
sticky fumbling)

is tugged so

We awake,

We feast,
lips and tongue forsaking mediation

Consuming our own loneliness[,

We'll suck him dry.]

For What It's Worth

Happy Pentecost!

Like Only Yesterday

There comes a moment
when
you notice
that the crab-apple tree
out front,
or the white pines
along the fence in back
are suddenly tall,
taller than your imagination
had kept them all these years,
and all at once those years pass.
A moment when you realize
that you haven't brought to mind
for weeks or months
or years
a dead grandfather,
whom you loved so much,
or a schoolyard terror,
who angered you so much,
and in that moment
for a moment,
in the guilt or triumph of indifference,
they matter more than ever.
A moment when your little sister
is not so little,
has breasts,
and you wonder how to mourn
a girl who did not die
but just became a woman...

Communion

Sometimes the closing of horizons
Is like the closing of a bedroom door
Gently, unspoken
pushed a little just so
The latch clicks.
A dark hall without
where no one waits listening in vigil,
But still whispering within;
a consecration when the curtains close
for the privacy of a greater unveiling
The body given to the Body
Commingled:
a kiss of peace,
the metaphor slightly confused.

Happy St. George's Day!

Index 3.0

This blog is quickly coming to an end. However, I thought creating one last index of important posts for readers would be helpful. I have added some of the new posts since the previous index, but I have also removed a few from the old index that no longer seem nearly so important as they did at the time. I have also created a page here where you can find many Catholic files available for download that readers might find useful and which I wanted to make searchable and available to the Internet at large.

I've tried to sort out the more important posts for getting an understanding of my philosophy and its evolution over the course of this blog, weeding out all the ones that are basically just repetitive, recommendations (or even whole-cloth quotations) of outside articles, videos, visual gags, or personal esoterica, etc. As such, I've narrowed the nearly 850 total posts down to around 200 that I feel constitute the real body of my original essayism about philosophy, theology, liturgy, ecclesiastical politics, psychology, secular politics and economics, art and literature, etc.

I've organized them into a few categories for people. Many are cross-referenced in several of the different categories. Posts that I feel "go together," either which are in a series, or which serve as elaborations or evolutions of previous concepts I've addressed, or which serve as contrasts or "bookends" for each other, I've listed together. The posts tend to go in reverse chronological order (so the newest are often near the top of the lists...):

Liturgy and Piety
The Mandatum
Regnal Numbers
Notes on the Count of Popes 
Collect and Stational Churches
A Promising and Enlightening Little Chant Conversation
Women, Modest, Aesthetics, Pants and Skirts
A Brief Note on MCs
Humeral Veils
Too Many Doctors
Practical Thoughts on Distribution of Communion
No Altar Girls
The Holy Dark...
Singing "Over" a Latin Low Mass?
Lay Ministers? That Doesn't Even Compute
Ideenfests
Holy Week Liturgies
Clerical Cosplay
Can't We Sit Down?
All Hats are Silly
Vestments and Liturgy
Encouraging Without Requiring
Question on Consecration
I Like the Big Pallium
Obligation for the Liturgy, Not Liturgy for the Obligation
Chant for Matins
Simple Low Mass
Questions About High Mass
Matins at Midnight  
More of My Liturgical OCD
Concelebration
Breviary Appendices
Antiphons  
Feasts of Apostles: West vs. East
All Saints  
1967 Ferial Lectionary Chart
Breviary Ideas
Talking Points for Ending Communion in the Hand
On "Apostolic Traditions"
Fasting Proposal
Re-examining "Partial Abstinence"
Glorious Interruption
A Confession
Re-Attempt the Reform
The Language Barrier is THE Issue
Look to Ethiopia for Inspiration
Reinfusing the Latin Rite with the Spirit of the East
They should have kept Epiphany instead...
Lay Readers and Liturgical Politics
Traditionalism NOT merely an Alternate Globalism
Scapulars...
Rosaries and Chaplets

Reform of the Clergy
Lay Ministers? That Doesn't Even Compute
Bishops and Marriage
Patriarchates
Auxiliary Bishops and Confirmation
Maritain on Clericalism  
The Lay Clergy
Lay Readers and Liturgical Politics
Full-Time/Part-Time
Western Rite Orthodox Catholicism?
Uproar? Open Revolt? I Doubt It.
Clothing and Caste
The Dangers of Monopoly
Newman's Model
Groupthink
Orthodox Primacy and Ecclesiology
The Root of All Evil
Particular Friendships  
A Three-Point Plan
Call No Man Father
On "Apostolic Traditions"
Difference in Degree, Not Nature
It's a Question of Loyalties...
Disappointed, but Not Surprised...
Falling in Love and the Creepiness of Institutional Seminaries
A Providential Find?
Secular Institutes: The Vocation of the Third Millennium?  
A Sad Truth: The Utter Facade of Mandatory Celibacy
Article on "No Organizations"

Vatican II
The CDF, SSPX, EENS...
Every So Often...  
Tolerance
A Plea to Move On
Just as Authoritarian as Ever
More Vatican II Dialogue
Vatican II: Deconstructing Certain Notions
True Religious Freedom
Talking Points for Ending Communion in the Hand
On "Apostolic Traditions"
Fasting Proposal
Traditionalism NOT merely an Alternate Globalism

Theology
In Summary: The "Maybe God" and "Seekularism"
Beyond Theism; How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the "Death of God"
Addendum: Pontifex Means Bridge-Builder; or, a Church of Seekers
Pluralism, Communion, Open versus Closed (Fundamentalist) Systems 
Why There Can Be No "Potential" Human Beings
Extraterrestrial "Intelligence"
The Scandal of Particularity
Deaconesses
Paul and Marriage: Beggars Can't Be Choosers
Competing Social Values, the Historical Contingency of Politics and Economics
Why Progressive Notions Are Wrong
His Wrath
A Critique of Theology of the Body
At the Edges of Consciousness: Death and the Double Judgment
Framing
Temporal Punishment and Construction
Original Sin and the Meaning of Being Human
Markers of Identity: Community and Boundaries, Law and Morality
Anscombe and Intentional Act
Permissive Will and Sufficient Grace
Polygamy
The Clever Frenchman (on Lying)
Genesis and Evolution
NFP and Moral Object
In Defense of NFP
Hedonism: Two from Grisez
Our Lady's Virginity "in Partu"
The Ordering of the Ordinary
Trini-Marianism
Grace and Free Will: a Thomistic Double Standard?
Personhood
Two Different Arguments
Conscience Obliges, It Doesn't Permit
On Relativity (not Relativism)
Faith Good and Bad
The CDF, SSPX, EENS...
Mormons, the CDF, &c.
J,E,P, and D
They Need a Better Editor
Auxiliary Bishops and Confirmation
Old News: Thoughts on "Life of the Mother"
Further Thoughts on Life Ethics
God Loves Some More Than Others
Inquiry for Readers on Religious Orders
Canon Law and Sacred Bonds: Vows and Oaths in Consecrated Life
On the Head of a Pin: Some Very Speculative Theology
On Monogenism
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam: On Moral Foundations  
Something Else For You To Oppose
The Breaking of the Light
Images of the Father
The Unjust Steward and Indulgences
The (Long) Hard Problem of Consciousness
Another Common Misunderstanding
A Codicil
True Religious Freedom
The Other Secularism
A Common Misunderstanding
Eugenics
Olive Oil
New Answers to Old Questions
Father William Most and Theology
O Felix Culpa!!
The Paradox of the Jews
Jane Eyre and the Confessions of a Closet Universalist
"Living in Sin" and Double Standards
Contraception vs Sterilization
Priorities
Jumping To Conclusions
Fornication and the Natural Law
Yes, Put a Damn Condom on Already!!!
Vindicated
The Arithmetic of Lesser Evils 
The Arithmetic of The Pill
Trinitarianism and Orthodoxy
Orthodox Primacy and Ecclesiology
Marriage  
An Alternate Marriage Proposal from the East
Concrete Proposals vis a vis Orthodoxy: Remarriage
Concrete Proposals vis a vis Orthodoxy: Intro
A Canticle for Leibowitz and the Dormition
Merry Marymas!

Politics/Economics
Sensible Distinctions
Religious Freedom and Misleading Numbers
Production and Distribution
Notes on Pro-Life Voting
A Political Detante
Makes Sense
Legalize Same-Spirit Marriage!
"Crazy" vs. "Mainstream"
What If: "Gift Money"
Reminder: Social Credit
Head of State, or Figurehead?
Even More Thoughts on the State and Just Laws
New Point on the State and Just Laws
The State and Just Laws?
Torture
Individualism and Collectivism

Preaching to the Choir

Democracy  
Some Truths Are (Or Would Be) Useless
Sensitivity and Mascots
World Systems and Exploitation
Things To Make You Mad
Let He Who Is Without Sin...
Capital Punishment and Genocide
No More Exceptionalism!
The Paradox of the Jews
It Is Really Hard Sometimes...
Adam Smith on Slavery and the Middle Ages
True Religious Freedom
Acadecadence
More Acadecadence
The Other Secularism
The Wine of the Wrath of her Fornication
A Sad Situation
Scary Statistics
Throwing Your Vote Away?
Eugenics
Priorities
Lies Vs. Wrong Interpretation
Reactionaryism is Sophomoric
Gun Control: An Issue that Shouldn't be Ideological
On Politics
They Need to Learn Some Math
A Flaw...
A Long Introduction to Social Credit
I'm conflicted, re: Chinese Censorship vs US "Information Imperialism"

Pastoral
In Summary: The "Maybe God" and "Seekularism"
Beyond Theism; How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the "Death of God"
Addendum: Pontifex Means Bridge-Builder; or, a Church of Seekers
Pluralism, Communion, Open versus Closed (Fundamentalist) Systems  
Meat-Eating Vegans
The Good: A Paradox
The Boiling Frog
"I Had No Choice"? Agency and Martyrdom
Gratitude
Christian Marriage: All or Nothing?
Cardinal Dulles is Right
Ideas are Dangerous
Selfhood: Truth and Authenticity
"Crazy" vs. "Mainstream"
Imposing Morality?
Baptists, Alcohol, and Catholic Barbecues
Attendance at Invalid or Immoral Weddings  
Intellectual Pride  
Conscience Obliges, It Doesn't Permit
Faith Good and Bad
High Fructose Corn Syrup
Mauvaise Foi
Love and Charity
Institutionalism of the Mind
Sehnsucht
Cohabitation and Minding Your Own Business
Encouraging Without Requiring
Fear and Death
Roman Catholic
Humility as Reality
Marriage
Intellectual Promiscuity
Encouraging Signs
Preaching to the Choir 
"Living in Sin" and Double Standards
"Humanly Impossible Absolute Guarantees"
A Sad Situation
Contraception vs Sterilization
Further Thoughts on Homoeroticism
Priorities
Particular Friendships
Jumping To Conclusions
Why Do They Care?
Yes, Put a Damn Condom on Already!!!
Vindicated 
The Arithmetic of Lesser Evils
The Arithmetic of The Pill  
The Power of Women
One has to Wonder...
Dreams of Poverty
Reflections on a Bucket Bath  
True Religious Freedom
Distinctions: Jealousy vs. Envy
Testimonial from a Black Catholic
Fasting Proposal
Sin vs. Hypocrisy
Give Up Guilt for Lent
Make It Easy For People
Why Can't More Priests Preach Like This?
Layer Upon Layer
On the true "Sense of Sin"

Eastern Christianity
Trinitarianism and Orthodoxy
Orthodox Primacy and Ecclesiology
An Alternate Marriage Proposal from the East
Concrete Proposals vis a vis Orthodoxy: Remarriage...
Concrete Proposals vis a vis Orthodoxy: Intro
All Saints
A Canticle for Leibowitz and the Dormition
Merry Marymas!
Feasts of Apostles: West vs. East
Western Rite Orthodox Catholicism?
On "Apostolic Traditions"
Fasting Proposal
Re-examining "Partial Abstinence"
Look to Ethiopia for Inspiration
Reinfusing the Latin Rite with the Spirit of the East
Traditionalism NOT merely an Alternate Globalism

Being

What hurts the most?

Being a fish with a hook in its mouth, slowly reeled in.

Being able to feel your beard grow.

The beating of your heart, the ticking of a clock.

Being too tired to sleep.

Grinding your teeth.

Fidgeting.

Pacing

Thinking the word 'ennui' is pretentious.

Feeling hungry (feeling fat).

Watching water go down the drain.

Being done with all your chores.

Being too nervous to read,

too temperate to drink

(too poor anyway)

and too comfortable to be sad about anything

in particular...